LIVE LIFE

Hi everyone, it’s been like a decade I was here. The holidays came and went by without my felicitating with you.  I’m so sorry about that! Hope you all had fun in your own special way? I can’t particularly say that for myself, guess I was just grateful to be alive. Well, it’s never too late to holler ‘Happy New Year’ to you, my friends.

It’s a New Year and almost the end of the first month and I am forced to ask myself, ‘do I have the usual New Year resolutions?’ After a long thought, I think I’m settling with the fact that I will just keep on the journey of being a better person and learning to love not just myself more, but try harder to love the people around me and those I come in contact with.

The reason for this is that from the news we hear daily, to what we see on the TV and people we lose each day, I am forced to ask myself, “what is the legacy I want to leave behind?” What does this life mean and what are the things that are important to me? I lost a very dear friend of mine late last year and that kind of jolted my thoughts (never imagined It would hit so close!); at that point, it felt like life had a new meaning. For every time I try to do the usual, the thought of him flashes before me and I tell myself, it could have been me.

The economy seems to be taking its toll on us each day and we are forced to live on a hand-to-mouth life daily and not have time to take deep breaths to smell the coffee and feel life (hope you catch my drift?). We worry a lot about unnecessary stuff that we even lose sight of how we could live life and earn a living alongside fulfilling life’s purpose.

I try not to live my life by a lot of inspirational quotes I see, rather I read the testimonies of people and learn how I can do what I enjoy and live at the same time. One of such people I admire is the Nigerian Cinematographer Onye Ubanatu. I so look forward to his posts because it’s obvious he lives life by getting paid for what he loves to do and at the same time he is able to share his time with people and show love where he can. His quotes aren’t just copied from any book, but out of the book called Life-the life he experiences daily.

Hmm, I can go on and on about life and living; so before I write an epistle, I’m just going to state my point. It’s a new year, let us therefore, not use the excuse of the crazy economy to bury ourselves in toiling like slaves. Instead, let us look for ways to share ourselves with the world while we earn our living. Work, love, laugh, cry and let your hair down sometimes. Life is short; don’t let it claim you while you are yet to figure it out. And most of all, remember the injunction to love your neighbour as yourself. Love starts with you and by doing so, you are taking a step in creating a better world for everyone to live in.

Much love!

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AN ORIGINAL

Looking around me today and I can’t help but try to understand the mentality behind all the different reasons people will want to be anything else but their original form. I want to take that to be a state of confusion and then I ask how can you be confused about who you are? It’s ok to be confused about what to eat or your career etc. but not something as important as WHO YOU ARE!

If you are of value then rather than change what/you are, appreciate and enhance it not to be a different version but the best version of yourself.  A Mercedes that goes to an automobile shop doesn’t go there to be pimped up to a Honda, but rather they enhance it to be a better version of a Mercedes and that’s because they understand the value of originality.

I am a beautiful  lady and though I might love the outfits made for guys,  it doesn’t mean I should change my original form just to fit into them. I might love another lady’s shape doesn’t mean I should end up on top of her, I might love the company of guys doesn’t mean I should be them.

We were all made differently to appreciate one another and not to duplicate one another. Speaking out and appreciating one another is the only way you can appreciate yourself also, wanting to be something else isn’t a state of confusion it spurs out from envy and low self-esteem; because I can’t see any other reason why I would want to be something else other than ME.  Don’t deceive yourself by saying, “I guess I was created to be a different gender in this body”. That’s an insult to God! Even an ordinary manufacturer doesn’t make such mistakes with his products not to talk of the Creator.

If you know how valuable you are, you will never want to change who you are. You need to understand how unique you are because only you in the entire universe can act exactly the way you do. Your scars are unique to you, your mannerisms are unique to you,  your weird attitude, your body structure, your body language; in fact, every little detail about you is unique to you. So why change it?!. The minute you change anything, the originality is lost and you begin to use spare parts. Go ask any manufacturer, once spare parts are used the value of such item is reduced or lost.

Love yourself, appreciate your self, enhance your beauty but please don’t change your form. YOU ARE AN ORIGINAL!

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INSPIRE

Hello everyone, sorry I have been off for a while,I have been  dealing with the usual hustle stuff in Lagos and trying to keep up. Looking for inspiration hasn’t been easy and of course I have had people tell how I have gotten people interested here and gone into hiding and it really bothered me and got me thinking of life itself.

In our everyday life in one way or the other we have people who are inspired by one thing we do and use us as a reference point to get to the next point in their lives, we might not know this but it’s a fact. Taking myself for example there are different people I am inspired by and sometimes try to attain a level just thinking about what they have achieved. This doesn’t necessarily mean in my field of expertise, For example I look up to my reverend (Nathaniel  Inajoh) for his humility and how well he has affected lives that way, I look up to Bola Balogun (a fashion icon ) for her role as a mother who has family values but yet is a success at what she does, I could go on and on with different people and what it is about them that inspires me but then think again, if this people just loose that thing about them that inspires me and others that  I don’t know about, what happens?

What I am trying to say is there is something about you that inspires the next person you might not know it but it’s there, so please never give up, always remember that lives are linked up to yours, people are inspired by you, never think short of yourself or that you never have anything to offer, you do, just keep getting better at it and know in your heart someone is also getting better through you.

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GET IN RIGHT!

Hey people, it’s been like forever since I stopped by here. Well, my wok schedule’s been crazy, but that’s not all; I’ve also had to deal with being in a relationship and packing my bags almost immediately (ok I think I am beginning to get that disapproval stare) but wait to hear the story.

Ok so I got into a relationship blindly without even giving it a second thought and along the way I had to ask myself if this is what I signed up for. Was this what I craved for when I wanted a relationship? And the answer was a big NO! I had other expectations and none was being met and then I asked myself, “why are you still here, Inyang?” If it’s not what you want get yourself out! Why wait and waste your time, energy on something you know you don’t want; something you know you are not ready to sacrifice for? All in a bid to please him and those who are happy you are in a relationship, but don’t wear the shoe to know whether it fits?

Now this got me thinking about other people who have gotten involved in careers, friendships, situations they weren’t sure they wanted to be in. They jumped in, thinking that it’s what others want for them, it’s what everyone around them is getting involved in or other excuses I can’t think of; and while they are in it, they are not having the time of their lives because it’s not what they envisaged so they try to make everyone around them feel they are in the right spot, but deep down they are hopeless.

Truth is, never get into something because others are, or because their approval is what you need. Get into something because your heart is in it, because your whole being desires to be there. That’s the only way you would be able to drive it and sacrifice for it; because your whole being screams to be in it, it will definitely work out for you at a point. But it you aren’t enjoying where you are, my dear, step out on time! Don’t waste that energy and time you would have put in something else to get a desired result and waste it on a barren land.

Life is too short to stay where you don’t want to be. If it’s not for the right reasons, then move on to the next one. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying when something is not working out, drop it and leave. No! What I’m saying is, if you got into something for all the wrong reasons, then it’s not worth staying in; but if you are in for the right reasons, then by all means, stay there and make it work. The differences in the drives will be evident. Just don’t waste your life giving excuses.

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YOU!!!

Hullo wonderful people! Trust y’all are doing great.  I’m so sorry to have kept you waiting for something new. It’s been crazy at work!  And at the personal level, your girl’s been trying to get used to and understand this relationship thingy.  Phew! I just discovered it’s a different ball game all together- having an idea of what a relationship should be and actually being in one.

I am trying so hard to settle into and have fun in a relationship, but I’m hardly enjoying it. And I ask, am I trying too hard to convince myself I should be in it or don’t I really like this person? Is the problem me, the guy or the relationship?  My heart yearns for more than this and is not satisfied with what I am settling for. So, I ponder on what to do. My thoughts are rioting and my emotions whirling around. Is this all there is to a relationship?! (I want answers)

With all these conflicting thoughts and emotions within me, I am forced to imagine how many people out there are struggling like I am.  It doesn’t necessarily have to be a relationship related issue; it could be other areas of life such as business, career choices, religion, or something as simple as how to spend your money(winks). At one point or the other, we have taken decisions we thought we could deal with, but end up struggling with our hearts about those very decisions; hence, we question our motives and actions, and if not properly handled, we could go crazy and lose sight of the big picture.

In all of my musings, I came up with the notion that we sometimes make decisions based on circumstances, information available to us as at the time, environment, pressure (societal, peer, family), etc., and we end up trying to justify these decisions. We try to convince ourselves and pretend to be happy with the choices we have made. At times, we try to manipulate the situation/persons to fit in with our perceived picture of what it/they should have been. In all of these, we often ignore the red light sign that comes on in our minds; those signs that try to caution us, telling us to slow down or look closely before leaping and making a commitment.  For example, in trying to justify some of the  decisions I’ve made, I come up with the following:

‘Oh, I shouldn’t always expect a lot”

“Not everyone can understand you”

“You can’t always get what you want”

“Inyang, guys are just like that…”

But in the quietness of my heart I hear the voice that says;

“Why can’t you get what you want?”

“Why can’t your life be fun?”

“Do you really want to trade your life, dreams and aspirations for this?”

“Do you know this is your life and when you are in turmoil your entire existence is in one too?”

I therefore came to this conclusion that in every decision we make, we should critically examine our hearts. You should know that YOU are the most important factor. Not money, not the next person, not societal expectations, not even people’s approval/disapproval of you. YOU are the most important factor in the equilibrium. If YOU can satisfy YOU and can make YOU happy, comfortable and peaceful inside, everyone and everything around YOU will make sense; YOU would see clearly and know the right decisions to make.

Make peace with yourself, learn to know and appreciate YOU for YOU, then and only then can you be free to make worthwhile decisions. “Easier said than done”, right? Yeah, I know, but we have to start at some point. It is not being self-centered, it is realizing who you are in order to give and be your best.

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PLAN THE FOREVER

Hi wonderful people! Hope you all are good and have been inspired to do and be more lately? The feedback has been great and I am honored to know that quite a number of you have found some of the articles quite instructive and helpful. Thank you so much! I am greatly inspired to write more.

Yesterday I was chatting with the boyfriend (I’m so rusty on relationships, it feels weird to say so…lol). We got talking about weddings/marriages, and one thing we agreed on was the misplaced priority of many people. Many intended couples budget and spend so much for the weddings (which is only a day) and fail to plan for the marriage (which is for life) and all the responsibilities that come with it.

In spite of the economy, you will find out that a lot of people are trying to make a statement I don’t seem to still understand. They spend their whole fortune with an additional loan to have “that perfect wedding”, and I ask myself, what is the perfect wedding? Is it renting the most expensive hall? Buying a wedding gown you can’t afford? Decorating a hall that will get Bella Naija to your wedding but won’t pay up your debts? Or catering for a number of people who would only come to your wedding to take selfies and expand their network? Let us be sincere, that’s what happens in many weddings, half of the people that attend do not care what the couple went through or spent for the wedding. They just come to eat, socialize and possibly ‘gossip’. (Hush, did I really say that?)

In my opinion, I think weddings should be sacred and unique for both parties involved. The wedding day should be one in which you know will be getting you into a new phase of life entirely. A day that you become a team and begin to plan for the family you are about to start. It should be a day that heralds a turning point in your lives, where you make important and mature decisions together. It should be a day you know you are going beyond impressing people that do not matter and begin to think of the welfare of the new family you just began.

Permit me to talk a bit to the ladies here. Single ladies should please, get real and quit fantasizing about “the perfect wedding”.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay to desire a fairytale wedding; after all, you only get to wed once in a life time (Ideally). But your quest for that wedding should be put in proper perspective. Have you put in the energy and resources you are expending on ‘that” wedding on preparing yourself to be a great wife and mother?  All the dream of having the best designed dresses, accessories and most expensive stuff on your wedding day should be traded for dreams of a good home, a good house to live, constant food on your table, and a comfortable life after the wedding. I bet you do not want to start your new phase of life paying off debts.

These are just my thoughts though. It’s better to have a low key wedding and a great marriage, than a picture perfect wedding and a not-so-great marriage.

What do y’all think? Please, share your thougts…

WHAT DO I GIVE?

Hello beautiful people, hope you are having a fantastic week and got all the needed rest during the Easter break? Well, during the holidays, a question came to mind,  “what do I give?” A lot of time, I hear people whine about not having something worth sharing. Quite a number of people think their talents or skills cannot  amount to anything so they give up without trying.

I observed that many times, we go through life expecting to get something back and I can’t help but ask, if everyone goes through life expecting something out of it, where then do we stand? Would we have had all that we see now? Would we have made advancements in technology, arts, music, fashion etc? All these became possible because someone gave a little of what they had inside and that little became what people are benefitting from today.

One thing I strongly believe is that we all have something in every one of us that we can share with the world; something that people can benefit from. No matter how little it is, just work at sharing it with the people around you. It might seem small, but remember, little drops of water make an ocean and a slight touch on a sea can make a ripple. Therefore, the little you give, transfers to the people around you and then your work place and then your community. The most important thing is to not sit on your talents. Don’t let it rot inside of you. Work at it, hone it and share it.

Your talent is yours, it was given to you for a reason. Weirdness is a creativity waiting to be seen. So no matter how weird, smart, confusing, and unimaginable your talent seems, let it show. You never can tell what it will become; and I bet at the end of time, you’ll be satisfied to know that you gave a bit of you to the world.

Look within you and answer this question, “what do I have to give to my world?” If we all work at sharing our talents and giving to people around us, I can just imagine how rich and beautiful our world would be.

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